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About Deviant One Crazy Crazy Monkey :banana:Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
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One Crazy Crazy Monkey :banana:
United States
Current Residence: Nowhere USA
Favourite genre of music: A Little Bit of Everything...
Favourite style of art: Photomanipulation
Operating System: College Computer
MP3 player of choice: Anything but iPOD!
Shell of choice: Seashell, I can hear the Ocean!
Wallpaper of choice: The ones without flowers...
Skin of choice: The one I am wearing right now, silly!
Favourite cartoon character: Priss from Bubblegum Crisis
Personal Quote: Life is too short to eat low-fat brownies
  • Listening to: N/A
  • Reading: N/A
  • Watching: N/A
  • Playing: N/A
  • Eating: Salad
  • Drinking: Water
It's been 3 weeks to the day since my grandmother passed on. God, when you say it like that, it seems like yesterday. It actually feels like an eternity. I still feel numb, and I am not sure if I really comprehend that she is gone. I still feel sometimes when we go to her house (my mom is executor of the will) she'll come walking down the hall and say "Hi Sweetie! Are you hungry?" I apologize for not telling everyone sooner but I haven't been up to it. It's taken me a long time to be able to talk about it and not break down and cry.

She was 89 years old and battling cancer. About 8 years ago she had colon cancer and they thought when she had surgery they got all of it. Well, they didn't. In May, they told us she had Liver Cancer and it had metastasized her whole liver. Being so old and frail she couldn't go through chemo or radiation, so we knew then that it was a death sentence. I remember vividly when my mom asked her what she wanted (this was before cancer), she said " I want to live until 90 and have a big party with all my family/friends and get my picture in the paper (they put your picture in the paper when you turn 90+)." Well, Grandma, I am so sorry you didn't get that wish.

I only regret one thing; not spending the last weekend she had on earth with her. I spent the weekend before with her, but the weekend before she died I just wanted some rest. The weekend before that I was there from Thursday night til Monday morning. My primary job while there was to keep her company and help her in and out of bed to the toilet with the help of my mom because she couldn't walk at this point. By the end of the weekend I ached all over and just wanted some sleep. So I decided to take a break that next weekend because I was worn out. I didn't know that that decision would come back to haunt me.

On Monday, July 19th I got a call that my grandmother was in a coma and they had given her 24 hours. By this time she was on a breathing machine and dying. I was confused because I had talked to my mom the night before (she stayed some nights with her) and she had been fine. I went that day and said goodbye to her. Then on July 20th between 5:30 and 6:30 am, she died.

How am I? I can sum it up fully with lyrics from a song that keeps playing over and over in my mind when I really let myself feel the pain:

Just Feel Better By: Carlos Santana
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through
The haze around me
And I'll do anything to
just feel better
I can't find my way
God I need a change
And I'll do anything to
just feel better
Any little thing to just feel better

It's kind of strange. I put out a deviation called "Oreo Happiness For Friends" on the Friday before she died. I dedicated it to all my friends who were having a hard time. Little did I know that I would be the one who would need that the most. The one thing that brings me the most comfort is a little narrative that my family found for her funeral.

A Reflection on Death By: Henry Van Dyke

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear the load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

I don't know when I will be back to put things on my account. I do have a crap load of pictures on my camera, but I just don't have the heart or want to put them up. Sorry...


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miserecordia Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Used Stock here: what have i begun

thank you ! :hug:
AChocolateHeart Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hey, thanks for the comments, favos and the watch!!! xDDDDDDD
RedLion Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2011
Thank you for the fav on [link]
theanimefans Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2010
Thanks for the fav by the way. :D
illuminession Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2009
Thank you so much for the :+fav:! The support is very much appreciated :)
sanjun Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2009
thanks for fav
MidnightCraze Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2009
Thank you for the comment!
You have a very cute gallery C:
Kona503 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2009
Thanks for the comment on grisum He is so sweet
KellyDelRosso Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2009
Ty for faving 'Under the Sea' :trout:
Holly6669666 Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2009  Student Digital Artist
thanks for the :+fav: :)
Granny-Chobit Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav. :hug:
jocund-slumber Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2009
Thanks for the fav :hug: that is ONE cute lil' ID :D
Serenity-Snow Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2009
Thanks So Much! I am glad that you like it. If I was blue,the penguin and I would totally be twins XD.

nobodiesangel Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2009  Professional Interface Designer
thanx for the fave ^^
northern-Girl Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2009   Photographer
thanks for the :+fav: :)
kin-sedren Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Thx for the :+fav: :D
emoexile Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2009
Thank you for Fav and Commtent...
snowmask Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2008  Professional Traditional Artist
:santa::xmas: Glad you enjoy "Panda Tree Tiem"! :xmas: :santa:

Thank you so much! :iconpandaballoonplz::iconplusfav:
magicalariessa Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2008  Student
thank you for the fav :)
m-a-b-l-e Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2008
Thankyou so much for the lovely comments :aww: and the :+fav: and the watch! you are very sweet! stay in touch!
Serenity-Snow Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2008
You are very welcome ^_^! Can't wait until you have some more art!

lasheen Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2008
tyvm for fav :*
lasheen Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2008
Very Nice Photos
Serenity-Snow Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2008
Thank You! ^_^
no-moore Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2008
thank you ;* ;)
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